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Goodbye Facebook

We gave it a nice run, but its like they say: “all good things must come to an end.” Sorry Facebook it’s not you, but it’s not me either…it’s all the other annoying assholes posting every thought that pops into their head. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle another 6 paragraph essay about our current political state. I can’t handle your opinion on race relations, gun control, religion, America’s immigration policy etc…I didn’t sign up for this! #NotMyFacebook

Yesterday Facebook sent me one of their stupid memories things which informed me that I had officially been on their app for 9 years. Wow, 9 years! 9 years of my bad jokes, shameless plugs, stalking former girlfriends, or seeing who got fat since high school. 9 years of food pics, wedding pics, and baby pics. When I first joined Facebook on February 26, 2008 I was a 25 year old who worked at a hotel and lived off the 101 sandwiched between Silver Lake and Korea Town. Joining Facebook was a bold move, especially since my main girl at the time was MySpace. I almost felt like I was cheating on her with this new side piece. And 9 years later that side piece has turned into one annoying bitch.

Two weeks ago I decided I was finished with Facebook. My last post on February 8th at 12:01 AM was a subtle “bye.” I just couldn’t handle it anymore, I had to break up. Now it’s not a full breakup. I’ll still post on the Dirty Sports page, share shows I’m tagged on, use it to contact other comedians to book shows, and of course the occasional stalking of a girl I hooked up with years ago. But I’m done posting, and I’m done reading your opinion, because quite frankly I don’t care.

At this very moment I have 1,647 Facebook friends. I’d say at least 400 of those are comedians. Comedians from all over the country, with the majority of them being in Los Angeles. But they’re not comedians anymore. They don’t write jokes. Instead they’ve all become political experts. Instead of one-liners they post their outrage or expound on how they would run things if they were in charge. Who knew so many poor comics with drinking problems and low esteem had everything figured out? Unlike them I think I’m a realist. Sure I have my opinions, but I also know I don’t have the answers. Hell, if I was president I would make all drugs legal, but who knows, that might be a terrible idea. We’ll never know because I'm just a jackass comic who tosses around absurd ideas. But what I do know is that I don’t care about your non-stop “hot takes” and that’s what I’m leaving Facebook.

My past 19 days without Facebook have been wonderful. I’ve relieved myself of getting annoyed or agitated by reading things I don’t agree with. I don’t miss it one bit. Not to mention I have my own fans without the big FB. I have over 68,000 twitter followers (humble brag, I know) I’ve built over the years. I also have thousands of podcast fans called DirtBalls who listen to my opinion on sports, pop culture, politics, and everything in between. To put it bluntly, I don’t need Facebook. I don’t need comics, old high school friends, or distant relatives knowing what I’m doing. Just hop on Twitter, listen to my podcast, or see some pics on Instagram. It’s all there, and unlike Facebook I actually enjoy those social media apps.

So that’s it. There’s nothing else to really say. There’s no hard feelings, but it’s time to move on. Maybe we’ll meet again, probably not, but maybe. In the mean time feel free to follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, periscope, Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, J-Date, and

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